Authenticity Of Mexican Alien Questioned After Kid Hits It And Candy Falls Out
World · Sep 13, 2023 ·

MEXICO CITY — Despite making headlines with a presentation before Mexican lawmakers, the authenticity of the purported aliens was called into question after a young child struck one of them with a wooden stick, resulting in candy spilling out.

"¡Ay, caramba!" exclaimed Mexican congressman Juan Valdez. "The most significant scientific and astronomical find in history has been damaged! But look — we can clearly see that these creatures come from a world where they have candy for intestines!"

As the child and several lawmakers scrambled to gather up pieces of candy, researchers quickly offered up an explanation for the incident. "Ah, yes, we thought that may be the case," stammered lead scientist Tito Santana. "We suspected these beings may have bodies that were constructed from paper mache and contained various types of candy. This is in no way an indictment of our credibility or the authenticity of the creatures' remains."

Even the most willing believers in the existence of aliens were left with questions. "This is a tough one to swallow, even for me," said UFO truther Nate Grimes. "Are we really supposed to believe they have this type of candy on some distant planet? I get the names are ‘Milky Way' and ‘Starburst,' but come on."

At publishing time, Mexican officials had refused to offer any comment on reports that someone had found a shop in Tiajuana that sells plaster sculptures of aliens exactly like the ones shown in the congressional presentation.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.