WASHINGTON, D.C. - U.S. representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made headlines recently after giving emotional testimony about the time she was slapped by movie star Will Smith, which killed her, and now she is dead.
"I was crying outside a grocery store that refused to give away their food to minorities when Will Smith came up and slapped me," said Ocasio-Cortez while wearing a jacket spelling out "Slap the Rich" adorning her back. "Being killed by being slapped was horrific, even worse than when I died on January 6th."
Ocasio-Cortez continued, describing being slapped by a man as more oppressive than slavery, and a prime example of what happens when trans women of color are oppressed by white billionaire tax havens…at this point journalists had trouble keeping up with her confusing diatribe and began discussing lunch plans with one another.
Seeing that the media had stopped paying attention to her, the elected representative cried out, "Oh no, I've been slapped again!" and fell to the ground with her tongue out and one eye closed while the other eye looked around to see if anyone was taking pictures.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
