OCEANSIDE, CA — An ancient, wizened sage from a bygone era gathered a group of fascinated children around his knee to recount the Legend of the 29-cent Del Taco Value Taco.
"Gather round, children," instructed Matt Johnson to a group of delighted youngsters. "I've a tale to tell about days of yore when that Del Taco yonder sold a pretty decent little taco for 29 cents on the American dollar. How 'bout that, huh?"
The children could scarcely believe their ears as Johnson continued by detailing a fantasyland of cheap tacos, cheap burritos, and something called "the Wendy's Dollar Menu".
"It-it CAN'T be true!" questioned a bewildered Tommy Gardner. "There's no way Del Taco ever sold those little bundles of questionable-yet-delicious meat and sort-of cheese for less than two quarters. This man spins a fantastic yarn, but it's a spiderweb of lies, I tell you! LIES!"
An undeterred Johnson continued with an equally unbelievable tale of the time he scored concert tickets to a big-name band for just $15. "The seats were pretty good, my young friends. And a bottle of water at the venue was a mere $3. This is the stuff your fancy textbooks won't tell you but listen to me--it's all real."
As of printing time, the children officially declared Johnson the biggest liar in the world after the ancient man told them a tale of 97 cents a gallon gas and an equally absurd 5 for $5.55 Arby's Big Beef and Cheddar sandwiches.
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