VALHALLA, NY — Analysts at the Gatorade Sports Science Institute confirmed on Thursday that tennis is the least gay of all the gay sports.
Researchers were quick to clarify they meant "gay" as in lame, not homosexual, which they said would have produced a very different list.
"Tennis is pretty gay, but it's not as gay as sports like lacrosse or cricket," Dr. Benjamin Fischer said. "That's not to mention soccer, which is both kinds of gay."
After rigorous testing, scientists determined that tennis was "kind of cool when they get a rally going" and produced pleasant sound effects, which were decidedly not gay. However, its nonsensical scoring system and popularity in Europe kept it quite gay.
"I've made peace with the fact that tennis is a little gay, but it's nice to know it's not as gay as figure skating or synchronized swimming," said tennis player Jannik Sinner. "And now I have the science to back it up."
At publishing time, the team of analysts had reported that the list of gay sports was once again topped by the two-man luge.
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