SMICKSBURG, PA - Local Amish patriarch Ezekiel Yoder was seen smiling smugly as he rode his market wagon by an outsider's gas station where the cost per gallon broke six dollars a gallon.
He calmed his horse and observed the chaos at the pump. People were ripping each other apart to throw away their money on high-priced fuel. Thank Gotte he was not like them!
Yoder cried out to those embroiled in the chaos. "Blowing at the smoke doesn't help if the chimney is plugged!" he said, snorting divinely.
"Ah, it's gut to be blessed, Baalam," he said to his horse.
Witnesses at the gas station were deeply offended that a kind-hearted Amish man could be so passive-aggressive and consequently resolved to never become Amish. They were, however, unable to deny that their devotion to the almighty automobile had doomed their souls.
Esther Yoder greeted her husband later in the day. He regaled her with tales of the outsiders, but she disapproved and, sadly, would not churn any butter for his supper.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.