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Christian Living
Alyssa Milano Launches Line Of Purity Rings

HOLLYWOOD, CA—As part of her push for abstinence, local Hollywood actress who was in some show about witches back in the day Alyssa Milano has launched a new line of purity rings.

Milano called for a sex strike to promote abortion rights. But she quickly realized her followers wouldn't be able to keep their promises without a purity ring, a truth discovered by Christians many years ago. So in conjunction with a jewelry manufacturer in Beverly Hills, she launched the line of high-end purity rings on Monday.

"The best way to destroy conservative pro-lifers is by showing how well abstinence works to prevent pregnancies," she said in a video unveiling the new rings. "Now, you can make that commitment public with my Purity line."

The rings have inscriptions like "True Love Waits," "Men are Evil," and "No Sex Til Marriage," phrases Milano says will "totally own the cons."

"When the world sees our strong commitment to chastity, they'll be forced to admit we were right all along," she added.

"Remember: true love waits until everyone can get an abortion at any time."

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