NEW YORK, NY — According to reports from top intelligence agencies, Al-Qaeda is activating its terrorist sleeper cells to help get out the vote for Zohran Mamdani.
Sources say that within 24 hours, thousands of radical Islamic terrorists will be leading voting drives, going door to door, and working as volunteer poll watchers.
"Our beautiful communist habibi Zohran Mamdani will destroy New York even more effectively than 9/11 did, and inshallah, we will get him elected," said Al-Qaeda spokesterrorist Aftar Mohib al Mohibb. "We are pulling out all the stops to get this agent of Allah's divine destruction in office. Death to America."
Several reporters asked Mamdani about the alleged plan, and he confirmed he had "never heard" of Al-Qaeda, terrorism, or sleeper cells. "I wish I could help you, but I've never heard of any of those things," said Mamdani. "Weird."
Intelligence reported that sleeper cells from other terrorist groups, such as Hamas, Boko Haram, and PETA would soon be activated to help get Mamdani elected.
At publishing time, Mamdani added to the effort by threatening New York that if they didn't elect him, his auntie would feel uncomfortable.
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