WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden took a much-needed break from his 4-hour workdays and late-night Matlock binges to attend the Congressional Baseball Game this past weekend, but things quickly went south when he attempted to join the crowd in a rowdy "F*** Joe Biden" chant.
"Yeah, that Biden guy is the worst!" said Biden. "F*** Joe Biden! F*** Joe Biden! Hehe, nothing like a rowdy chant at the old ball game, eh folks?"
Panicked aides quickly grabbed him by the arms and dragged him out of sight to administer some additional meds.
According to witnesses, Biden later returned to the game and looked out on the crowd with his classic medication-induced serene Biden smile.
The FBI has confirmed they will be dedicating 1,328 agents to investigate who started the insurrectionist chant so they can be arrested.
In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.