EL PASO, TX - Upon seeing disastrous results from a new NPR poll showing Hispanic approval at 41% and disapproval at 55%, President Biden ordered construction of the southern border wall to resume.
"I have decided, due to no other reason other than my own principles, that it is in our nation's best interest to keep those invading Latinx out... er, I mean, have secure borders," said Biden while deleting the song "Despacito" from his phone. "For too long have previous administrations allowed dangerous terrorists to infiltrate our great nation through our porous southern border, and that has to stop, fellas."
"President Biden has always stood against illegal immigration," said Jen Psaki, "In fact, he will soon propose an executive order mandating the expulsion of all Hispanics from our great nation...for, umm, security."
When asked what her role would be in securing the southern border, Vice President Kamala Harris replied with an awkward laugh from her new residence inside an underground bunker on the northern tip of Greenland.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
