Brought to you by: Young Americans for Liberty
With Elon Musk and the Department of Government Efficiency running roughshod over the federal government, bureaucrats have been scrambling to find new ways to hide the shady shenanigans they've been up to for decades.
Fortunately for the bureaucracy, The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of foolproof methods for them to hide their fraudulent spending from DOGE:
Write "Totally Not Fraudulent" in permanent marker on envelopes full of expenditures: As long as everything is clearly labeled, there's no reason to look inside.
Launder the funds through Ukraine first: Better to do this one while you can, though.
Dispose of Elon Musk: Getting rid of this one African immigrant could solve all of your problems.
Shout "Woah, what's that?!" and point the other way while shoving all evidence of fraud into your pockets and running away: It worked every time in the Back to the Future movies.
Send them as email attachments to Hillary Clinton: The most secure place to hide something in the world.
Firmly tell DOGE that how Congress spends taxpayers' money isn't any of their business: Where do these taxpayers get off wanting to know where their money is going anyway?
Pay Reuters millions of taxpayer dollars to report that you aren't misusing taxpayer dollars: Everyone trusts the media.
Stuff all illegitimate spending receipts under Ilhan Omar's hijab: If they ask her to take it off, just call them racist, misogynist Islamophobes.
Tell DOGE that Biden secretly pardoned the entire federal government before he left office: This will guarantee you'll get away with all the stuff you say you didn't do.
You can rest assured that using any of the tricks listed above will easily throw DOGE off your tail and allow you to keep spending taxpayer money with impunity. Have your own ideas of ways fraudulent spending can be covered up? List them in the comments.
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