WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the November election barely over a month away, President Donald Trump guaranteed a Republican victory in the midterms by officially renaming the Democrats "Republicans."
Many pundits had predicted a "blue wave" of Democrat wins in congressional and gubernatorial races, but Trump shrewdly threw a wrench in the gears and all but ensured a GOP win by renaming the Democratic Party.
"There's no way the Republicans can lose now," Trump told reporters. "I have officially signed an executive order renaming the Democratic Party as the Republican Party. It's a great name. Now the Republicans are back in the lead in the polls, and everyone says they're going to win big in the midterms. And it will all be because of Trump. Every race will be won by a Republican, believe me. It's going to be tremendous. Everyone will say so."
The president also pushed back against outrage from leading Democrats who claimed he lacked the authority to rename the party. "I have the authority to do anything I want," Trump continued. "I'm the president. Which is a lot like a king, when you think about it. Maybe I'll change my title to king. ‘King Trump,' they'll call me. I like it. Has a nice ring to it. So much winning. And it's only going to get better, depending on what I decide to rename next."
At publishing time, an Obama-appointed federal judge had ordered Trump to change the name of the party back and all Republican candidates to preemptively concede their races to their Democrat opponents.
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