Saturday Bonus: 10 Reasons You Should Purchase A Monkey RIGHT NOW

Frank J. Fleming

There’s never been a better time to purchase monkey. You should be buying one RIGHT NOW! Here are ten GREAT reasons.

1. YOU CAN PUT HATS ON THEM!  You can also put pants on them. YOU CANNOT DO THIS LEGALLY WITH CATS! You may need glue.

2. EASY MONKEY FINANCING! Think monkeys are too expensive? You’re wrong! Many banks are offering 0% same as cash loans. Just walk into any bank, ignore the lines, and say to the teller, “I WANT MONKEY LOAN!”

Three: PERFECT TIMING! Usually, if you say you want to buy a monkey, people will start worrying about MONKEY DISEASES. But right now people are too distracted with BAT DISEASES to worry about that.

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