While free speech boasts supporters such as Elon Musk and the Constitution, there are many Americans today who strongly disagree! The Babylon Bee asked ten famous liberals why they oppose free speech, and here is what they said:
- President Joe Biden: "If people had free speech, they could... you know, the thing. Pause. Well, anyway."
- Rachel Maddow, MSNBC Host: "If people had free speech, we'd have to actually defend our ideas based on their merit. And, if I'm being honest, our ideas suck."
- Xander Higgins, Facebook Trust & Safety Dept.: "Honestly, I just get a euphoric thrill that runs down my spine when I censor people."
- Vice President Kamala Harris: "Free speech is a term. It is two words. The first one begins with 'F.' So basically, that's bad."
- Rev. Al Sharpton: "Free speech is rooted in hate and systemic racism. Also, I hate Jews."
- President Barack Obama: "If speech were free, I wouldn't be able to charge $250K to give one at a fancy dinner. Give me a break."
- Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson: "I don't know. I'm not a linguist."
- Senator Bernie Sanders: "Speech should never be free. Everyone should pay their fair share."
- Secretary Hillary Clinton: "Free speech is dangerous. If you say the wrong thing, it could get you killed. Just sayin'. Be careful out there."
- Liberal Arts college students: "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
If the above list of compelling reasons has not convinced you that free speech should be abolished, we don't know what to say. But if we did, we'd totally be allowed to say it. Because free speech.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
