Kash Patel is now the presumptive head of the FBI and he's planning on some big changes. Here are 10 of the most drastic new initiatives coming to the bureau:
All FBI agents must go back to wearing trenchcoats, carrying snub-nose revolvers, and saying "see?" after every statement: Presentation matters, see?
Cancel all current plans to assassinate Donald Trump: But cool trenchcoats first.
All of Melania's underwear recovered during the Mar A Lago raid must be returned: They've had it long enough.
From now on, all agents must submit a written request before grooming a mass shooter: Finally, a return to common sense MKUltra policies.
X-Files to be reopened: Agents therein now report directly to the president.
New Applicants must weigh under 400 pounds: This is a step in the right direction for fitness requirements.
The Chief Officer of Quadriplegic Black Lesbian Representation will be fired: No severance package.
Remove all 850 wiretaps at Mar-a-Lago: It's a waste of resources since Trump publicly shares everything anyway.
Agents are now required to arrest pedophiles: This is a new, cutting-edge idea in criminal justice.
No more work retreats at Epstein Island: Kash Patel is such a party pooper.
It really looks like Kash Patel will get the bureau back in shape. What other changes are you hoping he brings to the bureau? Let us know in the comments below.
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