Life was a lot simpler before video games came along. Remember when kids could play all day and build real memories that didn't involve a screen? Those were the days.
If you want to raise your kids right, try out these analog substitutes for popular video games:
Instead of Super Mario Bros., have your kids fix the plumbing under your kitchen sink: It will build character.
Instead of Sonic the Hedgehog, tell them to go outside and run as fast as they can until they find a gold ring: What a thrilling adventure!
Instead of Halo, get them a stick from the woods that kind of looks like a gun: The needler is a pine tree branch. Pew, pew!
Instead of Fortnite, give them a stack of discarded Amazon boxes: Basically the same thing.
Instead of Minecraft, send them to the coal mines: No creepers there!
Instead of Baldur's Gate III, let them learn about the horrors of bestiality from the book of Leviticus: Not appropriate for all ages.
Instead of Call of Duty, volunteer them for the armed forces: Way better graphics.
Instead of Grand Theft Auto VI, try a family trip through downtown Chicago: Just as fun, and you're not as likely to be arrested by police.
Instead of Elden Ring, invite them to bash their head into the wall repeatedly and throw the controller at the screen: This will save time.
Instead of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, drop them off in the mountains and tell them to find their way home: You can even give them a variety of mushrooms to snack on as they journey.
Try one of these today!
NOT SATIRE: Receive Your "Jonah and the Great Fish" iBIBLE Puzzle in Time for Christmas!
Make a generous donation to RevelationMedia and receive a one-of-a-kind iBIBLE Puzzle to give to your friends, family, and even church family this Christmas. This 1,000-piece puzzle features epic artwork from iBIBLE — the world's first visual and interactive Bible for a visual and connected world. Your contribution to RevelationMedia funds the production, translation, and distribution of iBIBLE to America and the global missions community for FREE, helping people all over the globe engage with God's Word. Give the gift of time together spent focusing on God's Word and piecing together a powerful image from iBIBLE this Christmas with an iBIBLE Puzzle. Click here to make a donation and receive your "Jonah and the Great Fish" iBIBLE Puzzle in time for Christmas.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions