WORLD — The globe was left in utter shock today as the murderous Iranian regime had the incredible gall to ignore the warnings of a confused old dotard.

Despite President Biden telling the Iranians, "Don't", the Iranians did, much to the surprise of billions around the world. "I really can't believe the regime that openly financed the murder and rape of hundreds of Israelis had the nerve to stand up to a decrepit old fool," said local man Donald Stanley. "Who could have possibly seen this coming?"

According to sources, President Biden was furious that Iran completely ignored him and bombed Israel anyway. "Biden is looking into several options for retaliation, including threatening to put the Ayatollah in time-out," explained Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre, "If it comes to it, Biden is prepared to withhold the Irianian leader's evening treat or even his screen time. We mean business."

At publishing time, the Ayatollah had announced that if Biden didn't keep sending him tens of millions of dollars, he would hold his breath until he passed out.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.