Youth Pastor Prepares Message: ‘Jesus Is The Real Rogue One’

SALEM, OR—According to sources, local youth pastor Jake “Jar-Jar” Washburn has been furiously working on his sermon “Jesus is the Real Rogue One,” which he will deliver next weekend to the high school students at Capitol Baptist Church.

“I just know how much these kids are into Star Wars,” the 23-year old youth leader told reporters. “I’m trying to missionally connect with them in a relevant way.”

Washburn, who has spent considerable hours reading fan fiction websites and watching YouTube trailers doing research for his message, contends that the upcoming Lucasfilm release Rogue One: A Star Wars Story provides the perfect allegory for the gospel.

“Think about it,” said Washburn, visibly excited. “Jesus boldly invaded a planet of death, led a group of rebels against an evil empire, and died while stealing Satan’s plans to crush the rebellion with one swift stroke. Or something like that, I’m still kind of working out the details.”

Washburn also showed reporters his collection of Star Wars toys, all purchased on the church credit card for research purposes.

“Yeah, Pastor Jake really gets into this stuff,” said one student. “Last year he kept telling us the real Force awakened in Bethlehem a long time ago on a continent far, far away.”

At publishing time, Pastor Washburn was online buying his tickets for the midnight showing on Rogue One’s opening night, in order to finalize his sermon preparation.