Worship Bassist Placed Under Church Discipline For Venturing Onto Top String
Church · Oct 5, 2016 · BabylonBee.com

MIAMI, FL - Worship team bassist Kyle Woodward reportedly broke with church tradition Sunday morning by becoming the first known worship bass player in decades to actually utilize the high G string on his expensive bass guitar, sources confirmed Thursday.

"The moment just seemed right," Woodward said after service. "I apologize. Usually I stay within the realm of orthodoxy - after all, if the E and A strings were good enough for the Psalmists, they're good enough for me."

But Woodward told reporters that the emotionally charged setting of the building pre-chorus in classic worship song "Mighty to Save" inspired him, and he let loose with an aggressive, funky slap bass line that transitioned smoothly into a walk down back to the root note for the chorus.

While witnesses called the riff a technically sound musical maneuver, many traditionalists were shocked and horrified that the bassist had parted ways with the beloved tradition of simplistic church bass lines.

"We've reviewed footage of Woodward's little stunt up there," a stern elder Bryce Etherton said in a statement to press. "And while yes, Kyle definitely laid it down like a boss, we're placing him under our church discipline and restoration process for disregarding the clear regulative guidelines for bass usage in the context of the local church."

At publishing time, Woodward had been relegated to the shaker to ensure he doesn't try to pull something like that again anytime soon.


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