Worship Band’s Rendition Of ‘Oceans’ Gives Man Plenty Of Time To Fill Out Angry Comment Card

LEBANON, MO— Grace Church’s worship band’s 10-minute play-through of popular worship song “Oceans” Sunday gave longtime church member Harry Furthersberg plenty of time to fill out an angry comment card about how much he hated the song, along with all worship songs written after 1958, sources close to Furthersberg confirmed Friday.

His impassioned missive about how much better the old hymns were than this “modern gobbledygook” eventually spilled over onto a second and third comment card. When he ran out of space on those, he reportedly began utilizing an offertory envelope to round out his feedback.

“I thought I’d run out of time to really let ’em have it, but then they looped around for another repeat of the chorus,” Furthersberg told reporters later. “The one redeeming quality of modern worship songs is they give me more than enough time to fill out comment cards.”

The church member’s eighteen-paragraph comment reportedly laid out an “airtight” case for the exclusive use of hymns written before Kennedy took office, and the unbiblical nature of any song that provokes any kind of emotion or passion within church members.

At publishing time, sources within the church had confirmed that Furthersberg’s comment cards had been misplaced into the church office’s garbage bin.