Local Woman Convinced Amish Romance Novels Are Totally Not Porn

TUSCON, AZ—Housewife and Mary Kay representative Ruth Tanner, 52, is still convinced that the piles of Amish romance novels hidden under her bed are absolutely not inappropriate for her consumption and definitely don’t constitute an unhealthy obsession with romance.

Tanner has been enjoying the genre of Amish-themed romantic tales with a Christian spin on morality for over a decade. “What I love most about them is they have interesting characters interacting in a society where biblical morals still reign supreme, plus I like that they are totally, 100% not porn,” Tanner recently posted on an online message board, where she goes by the handle AbramTakeMeNow1964.

According to family close to Tanner, her fascination with the genre began when she stumbled upon a copy of the totally-edifying book Sweet Amish Temptations on clearance at a Christian book store, and snuck it home to read while her family was away. “She ripped through that one in a night and stashed it under her bed, then rushed back to the shop first thing in the morning to pick up the sequels—Isaac’s Bare Desires and Rebecca’s Delights, I think they were called,” Tanner’s visibly concerned husband told reporters.

Sources also confirmed that Tanner has pre-ordered five more unquestionably not pornographic Amish novels set to release this summer.