Woman Completes Quiet Time Without Instagramming It

FAIRFAX, VA—According to recently confirmed reports, college junior Paige Wenner had a quiet time with God Thursday morning without Instagramming it.

“I suspected something was off when I saw her reading her Bible without her phone in sight,” her roommate Christa Sepley told reporters. “She had the colored highlighters, the journal, the mocha—even a ray of sunlight piercing through the window. But no phone.”

“The truth is, I couldn’t find it,” Wenner confessed in an afternoon statement released on Instagram. “I totally felt something was missing from my QT this morning. It seemed a little empty. I really just feel like I have the spiritual gift of encouragement, especially through the Clarendon filter.”

Wenner’s closest friends report her grief is tinged with despair. According to small group leader Ashley Vaughan, “She DMd me after she found her phone and asked, ‘How will I find a godly husband if people aren’t reminded every day that I’m a woman of the Word?’ I thought it was a good question, to be honest.”

Wenner was asked by reporters how she’s coping with a quiet time experienced by nobody but her and the Lord. “There will be a healing process, for sure. But the chapter I read this morning is Acts 14. It says through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom. That sure hits me in a new way now. Who knows, maybe all this is a God thing.”

“Hold on, I need to IG that real quick,” she added.