Watchblogger Concludes He’s Pretty Much Only Christian Left

AUSTIN, TX—According to reports, Thomas Carrier, proprietor of the Christian Sentry blog, came to the conclusion Friday that he was pretty much the only Christian left on the planet.

“You know, I look around and all I see is hypocrisy,” Carrier lamented. “I’ve concluded I must be the only Christian left. The remnant, if you will—I’m quite certain of it. No one else measures up.”

“I’ve tried going to a bunch of different churches, but they’re never pure. I feel kind of like the prophet Elijah,” he added.

Carrier, who has maintained his blog for the past five years, has taken on a wide variety of people, including but not limited to: the left, the right, Mark Driscoll, the Pope, the Pope’s mother, his own mother, Hollywood, John Piper, Ashton Kutcher, and Michael W. Smith.

In a recent post on the Christian Sentry titled The Terrible Hypocrisy Of John Calvin, he stated:

Let me be clear: John Calvin was NOT a good Calvinist. He was a soft-hearted hypocrite who didn’t have a firm handle on the truth. I would never have stayed in his church, and I can’t understand why anyone else did.

In another post, titled The Terrible Hypocrisy Of Michael W. Smith, he stated:

Smith has SOLD OUT. If you have followed his career, you can see that he abandoned the truth after the Picture Perfect album. He is now worse than a tax collector or Gentile. I mean he is a Gentile, but he’s also worse than one.

Sources confirmed that approximately 85% of Carrier’s blog post titles contain the phrase “Terrible Hypocrisy”.

“It’s difficult being a modern prophet,” said Carrier. “I don’t really have any friends. I can’t keep a job and still maintain this blog. But I trust the Lord to take care of his only servant.”

At press time, Carrier was wrapping up a Kickstarter campaign in which he raised $14.27 for his blog ministry.

By Stephen Altrogge