Trump Refuses To Let Jesus Into His Heart After Learning He’s From Nazareth

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump informed his advisers that he will refuse to allow Jesus Christ into his heart, after learning that Jesus hailed from the city of Nazareth in the Middle East, sources confirmed Monday.

“Can anything good come from there?” Trump reportedly asked, after his aides informed him that the Lord Jesus, God in the flesh, chose to spend the majority of his life on earth residing in the impoverished, first-century town located in the region of Galilee. “Why would I welcome anybody from that war-torn, crime-ridden hole of a place?” he asked his team of advisers, during a meeting in the Oval Office.

According to reports, Trump has transferred his religious allegiance to the Norse god Odin, tweeting that he wants to align himself with a god from a “winner country.”