Trump Affirms Belief In Inerrancy Of Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid mounting pressure from his evangelical support base to take a stand on the issue, President Trump went on record Wednesday morning as fully affirming his personal belief in the doctrine of the inerrancy of President Trump.

Trump rejected theories that described his words as man-made and imperfect, and instead fully affirmed both the infallibility and the inerrancy of all of his statements, to the relief of conservative evangelicals everywhere.

“To be clear, I don’t simply believe my words are inspired or divinely breathed, but rather that they are completely and totally inerrant in the original context in which they were spoken,” Trump said in a press conference. “I reject all of that namby-pamby progressive Trumpology that says my words merely contain some kind of divine truth but might have some factual errors. That’s dangerous stuff. Heresy, really. The worst!”

Evangelicals have long debated the inerrancy of Trump, with the most recent public clash coming about at the International Council on Trumpal Inerrancy held during the 2016 election, during which hundreds of pastors and scholars signed the Chicago Statement on Trumpal Inerrancy.

“We are glad Trump is fully on board with dearly held Christian doctrines like the inerrancy of Trump,” Pastor Robert Jeffress said in an interview.

“It just goes to show he really is a man after Trump’s own heart.”