U.S. - According to sources from around the nation, exactly three people were "completely blindsided" by a recent interview in which pastor and author of The Message Eugene Peterson publicly came out in favor of same-sex marriage.

The three people have been identified as a man who lives in rural Idaho and hadn't kept up with Peterson in the past couple decades, a LifeWay bookstore manager in Kentucky who is a big fan of The Message, and an elderly lady who momentarily confused Eugene Peterson with John Piper.

"It seems that Peterson's views have sent a shock wave rippling through the nation, jarring the exactly three people who hadn't already figured out that Peterson didn't hold the highest view of the Scriptures," a culture and religion analyst at the New York Times wrote Wednesday. "The rest of us had kind of assumed that a long time ago, to be honest."

"I mean, it's pretty obvious that anyone who can translate Psalm 1 using phrases like 'Sin Saloon' and 'Smart-Mouth College' wasn't exactly going to obsess about clinging to the original meaning of commands around human sexuality in the face of a culture moving in the opposite direction," he added.

At publishing time, the journalist who published the interview had taken to Twitter to declare the leader's public espousal of same-sex marriage as "the end of archaic, bigoted Christianity as we know it."