Sweating Benny Hinn Wonders How Actual Handicapped Person Made It Past Security

LONG BEACH, CA—According to sources working at the faith healer’s most recent miracle service Tuesday, a nervous, sweating Benny Hinn wondered to himself how an actual handicapped person made it past his team of security guards as a woman he didn’t recognize in a wheelchair began approaching him for healing on stage.

Hinn is only used to seeing ministry volunteers faking their sickness or audience members without any visible maladies who have been heavily vetted by his team of security to ensure he never has to perform a falsifiable miracle, according to ministry insiders.

“Yes, uh, why yes, dear lady—I will heal you of your clearly real and not faked disease that hinders the use of your legs!” Hinn stuttered, trying to figure out how to get out of the tense situation. “You clearly have some kind of earache that needs healed, yes? We shall take care of that right away with Holy Spirit power, praise the Lord!”

But when the woman replied that she would like to walk again, Hinn was cornered, and took action. Brandishing his suit jacket and leaping across the stage, the legendary faith healer knocked her out cold, neutralizing the threat to his ministry.

“Yes, Lord, I will do it, yes, thank you Lord, thank you!” Hinn said as the crowd cheered the obvious sign of the Holy Spirit’s presence.

At publishing time, Hinn had fired several security guards for letting the woman through.