Southern Baptist Convention Purchases Chick-Fil-A For $5.5 Billion

NASHVILLE, TN—According to an FTC filing obtained by journalists Friday, the Southern Baptist Convention has agreed to purchase the Chick-fil-A fast-food restaurant chain for just over $5.5 billion.

Speaking to SBC church leaders and pastors, president Steve Gaines stated that the move is a combination of a desire to offer quality food to its member churches and a need to reach out to communities for the sake of Christ.

“The first thing we’re going to do is expand Chick-fil-A’s hours to include Sundays, so our church members can find their Sabbath rest in the embrace of a warm, moist chicken sandwich each week,” Gaines said.

“Other denominations will be welcome, but our Chick-fil-A employees will be trained to begin gospel-centered conversations and try to convert those from other Christian traditions to the Baptist position.”

Gaines also said the move would allow the two organizations to take advantage of one another’s resources, as SBC churches will now have access to Chick-fil-A’s food supply chain to use for Sunday morning refreshments and potlucks.

“His truth is marching on,” he added, smiling and holding up a delicious Chick-fil-A spicy chicken deluxe sandwich before devouring the juicy menu item in just a few seconds.