UNDISCLOSED—A small team of nefarious masterminds responsible for maintaining the Patriarchy across the nation and world held an emergency meeting in one of their many fortified mansions after being outed by a local feminist, sources from deep within the shadowy organization confirmed Tuesday.
Popular feminist writer Heather Lewis had published an article titled “Smash the Patriarchy!” on her Tumblr blog just hours before, triggering a scramble to undo the damage she caused by pointing out the existence of the great and powerful secret society of elite males.
Tensions remained high throughout the meeting as the villainous ringleaders debated how to dispose of the problem blogger in the smoke-filled room from which they clandestinely control society’s values and viewpoints on gender and femininity.
“The jig is up!” one shady figure wearing an expensive suit and smoking a cigar reportedly cried. “We’ve been secretly pulling strings and keeping the womenfolk down for centuries—until this blasted Tumblr post came out. We run the risk of seeing everything we’ve worked for come crumbling to the ground!”
At publishing time, the elite organization had sent a squad of its most trusted enforcers to intimidate Lewis into halting the spread of information about the group, but according to Lewis’s Twitter account, she would “never back down until the Patriarchy is dead—no matter what.”