Sense Of Relief Washes Over Nation As Government Shutdown Grows Increasingly Likely

U.S.—As the federal government faces a shutdown at the end of the week with the president and Congress failing to pass a new spending bill and a Friday-night deadline looming, millions of Americans reported Wednesday a sense of relief washing over them like a wave of peace and serenity at the possibility of a powering-down of our volatile governing bodies.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the federal government would just close up shop and go away for a little while,” one smiling man told reporters. “They’re such a source of strife and frustration in our daily lives—we need a little peace of mind. I really hope they’ll go ahead and take a little break.”

“Don’t worry about us, politicians—we’ll be fine. Just go ahead, shut her down and take as much time as you need,” he added.