ATLANTA, GA—After a rapid series of missteps by the news giant in recent weeks, alarmed scientists are now warning that a black hole may form as a result of CNN’s violent implosion, which seems to be accelerating.
“If CNN keeps collapsing in on itself at this astounding rate, this is a very real possibility,” physicist Andrew Palmer said in a Wednesday press conference. “If they can’t find a way to stabilize, we fear a black hole will form which would quickly absorb the entire planet. We may be doomed.”
“We’re just hoping that the massive echo chamber constructed within the news network will be strong enough to slow the gravitational collapse,” he added.
At publishing time, industry sources reported that CNN had threatened to publish private, identifying information about each scientist involved, unless they immediately apologize and retract the warning.