Scholars Discover Translation Error: Root Of All Evil Actually Gluten

LA MIRADA, CA—New Testament experts have historically translated the Greek word “philarguria” as “love of money,” rendering Paul’s famous line in his first letter to Timothy as “the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.”

But after researchers at Biola University recently found the word scattered throughout a handful of first century cookbooks, its definition has been expanded to include “a type of wheat protein used for baking bread.”

Citing this new discovery, scholars made an astonishing announcement Monday, asserting that Paul’s original intent in 1 Timothy 6:10 was to warn Timothy not about the love of money, but about about the evils of gluten.

“Paul used grain metaphors throughout his letters, and coupled with the new information, we posit this updated translation with a high degree of certainty,” Biola professor Karter Blankenship told reporters. “When he talks about cleansing out the old leaven, it may not be a metaphor at all. We now know that Paul meant to tell Timothy, and us—that gluten is the root of all evil.”

“Paul continues in the tail end of verse ten, saying that ‘it is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs,’—this is a clear reference to people who suffer from gluten intolerance, and the food cravings and piercing abdominal pains that come along with it,” Blankenship added.

“Paul was certainly ahead of his time.”