Scholars: ‘A Day Is Like A Thousand Years’ Actually Reference To Church Staff Meetings

U.S.—According to new findings by biblical scholars published Monday, the phrase “a day is like a thousand years,” found in 2 Peter 3 and originally thought to refer to God’s patience in bringing judgment upon the earth, is actually better interpreted as a reference to the slow passage of time in church staff meetings.

“See, we always assumed from the context that Peter was talking about the Second Coming, but after a closer look at the Greek, it’s clear that he was prophetically describing the agonizingly slow minutes during regular church leadership meetings,” Dr. Carl Wesley of Grace Evangelical University told reporters. “A minute can pass in the outside world, but in the mystical realm of the church board room, it can feel like days.”

“When a staff member takes a fifteen minute chunk of time to address a grave concern like the rules for posting announcements on the bulletin board in the foyer, literally years of a pastor’s life are sucked away,” the professor added.

The nation’s pastors were not available for immediate comment, as the vast majority were still languishing away in meetings that seemed to go on for hundreds of years.