Richard Dawkins Still Using ‘Flying Spaghetti Monster’ Argument With A Straight Face

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science confirmed Thursday that its eponymous founder is still able to utilize the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” argument against creationism while keeping a straight face.

The argument claims that there is as much reason to believe that a “Flying Spaghetti Monster” created and rules the universe, as there is to believe in the God of the Bible. But while the logic that sincere belief in God supported by philosophical, scientific, and historical proofs is in any way equivalent to a bitter, feigned belief in a divine being of pasta is clearly absurd on its face, Dawkins confirmed he still plans to use the leaky line of reasoning “whenever the situation calls for it.”

Rumors had begun to swirl in recent months that Dawkins was no longer able to pretend he was serious while using the unconvincing and feeble argument, but the British biologist and outspoken atheist denied these claims as part of the Foundation’s recent statement.

“In no way do I plan to drop or renounce the clearly faulty logic of the rickety ‘Flying Spaghetti Monster’ argument for atheism. I am still in fact quite willing and able to utilize the argument, and I can do so without cracking a smile, which would betray the obvious silliness of the line of thinking.”

The Foundation also confirmed Dawkins’ plans to continue behaving like a bitter child.