In Response To Recent Terror Attacks, Obama Cracks Down Hard On Global Warming

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Responding to cries for greater defensive action and assurance as high-profile terror attacks ramp up worldwide, President Obama declared Tuesday that his administration is ready to get serious about global warming.

“We recognize that the American people are worried, the American people are scared, and the American people demand intervention from the federal government over these increasingly frequent, senseless acts of terror,” the President said solemnly to those gathered in the White House Press Room Tuesday morning.

“Therefore, let me be clear: we will be taking immediate and unilateral action to prevent any further climate change. I want boots on the ground to solve the pressing issue of the melting polar ice caps immediately. I will not wait for Congressional action any longer.”

In a rare moment of solidarity, press gathered offered an impromptu standing ovation for the President’s bold stance against climate change in the face of looming threats of Islamic terror around the globe.