NEW YORK, NY—While many Americans believed the Episcopal Church to be some kind of myth or legend, the religious organization may actually still exist, researchers revealed Monday morning.
The shocking findings came as a surprise to many American Christians, who had thought the denomination to have completely disappeared off the face of the earth, if it had ever existed at all.
“Contrary to popular opinion, yes, we are still around,” Most Reverend Michael Curry, head of the apparently-still-in-existence Episcopalian Church, allegedly said Monday in front of a dilapidated, overgrown church building. “We exist, and we plan to continue not to die. In fact, we are still hanging in there, and to my knowledge, we have not yet ceased to be.” Curry then allowed reporters to touch his hands to prove his existence, though all photos of Curry’s press conference mysteriously disappeared.
The exciting new revelation spurred a flurry of curious sightseers, who began a thrilling hunt to locate actual Episcopal churches in their area in order to take pictures of the rare species of legend while they still exist. But while many people were able to find the rumored church buildings, very few were able to locate any actual Episcopal Church members in order to prove their existence, causing some skepticism regarding the accuracy of the research.
“I just don’t buy it,” one conspiracy theorist said. “We drove around looking for the fabled creatures all day, but weren’t able to locate a single Episcopalian. You know, I’ve read about them in storybooks, but I just can’t believe in them until I can see them with my own eyes.”
Several online forum participants attempted to corroborate the research by uploading photos showing blurry images of Episcopalians, but these pictures were later revealed to be a hoax.
Citizens who may have irrefutable proof of Episcopalians’ existence are urged to call the FBI’s open investigation hotline right away.