Reformed Man Deeply Suspicious Of Any Book Less Than 200 Years Old

PHILADELPHIA, PA—According to reports coming out of the men’s group he is attending, local Reformed Presbyterian John Van Buren was “highly suspicious and distrusting” of the new book the meeting’s leader recently selected for their group study after learning it was less than 200 years old.

“When was this published? 1867? I don’t know about this,” Van Buren told the rest of the group when the leader began passing out copies of James Buchanan’s The Doctrine of Justification. “Why can’t we read one of the classics, like from Luther or Baxter?”

“To be frank it kind of looks like heresy to me,” he continued according to sources, furrowing his brow and scouring the back cover for anything to criticize in the classic work on the treasured Protestant doctrine of justification by faith. “Why reinvent the wheel when we have so many good, classic works already?”

“All I’m saying is that any book published after the early 1800s is extremely suspect,” he added. “So much strange fire in the past couple hundred years.”

At publishing time, the group’s leader had managed to convince Van Buren to participate in the study, with the caveat that he wouldn’t be forced to read the version that had been modified into modern English.