Progressive Catechism Just 107 Questions With No Answers

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PORTLAND, OR—A new catechism released by a coalition of several progressive, mainline denominations Tuesday consists solely of 107 questions, without a single answer to any of them, sources confirmed.

Liberal priests, scholars, and ministers from mainline Episcopal, Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian traditions gathered to pound out the document full of bold theological questions that they then refuse to answer in any way.

The catechism will allow progressive Christians to memorize several new questions each week of the year, but will not oppress believers with any “toxic” concrete answers.

“What is our only hope in life and death? Seriously, anybody know?” question #1 reads, setting the tone for the remainder of the document.

Other thought-provoking questions in the teaching tool include the following:

  • Q2: What is God? Anyone? Bueller?
  • Q84: What does every sin deserve, other than unquestioning, breathless affirmation?
  • Q86: What is faith in Jesus Christ? Did he even exist? What does it all mean?
  • Q107: What if we’re all just part of a big video game simulation, bro?

During a vape break at the conference, one episcopal priest told journalists, “We want God’s people to follow Her with deeds, not creeds. This teaching guide is perfect for clergy that want their congregations to ask the big ‘God’ questions, without ever providing any kind of solid answer to any of them.” She further stated that the document will encourage the “spirit of doubt” that Christ wanted His people to develop in their spiritual walk.

“After all, isn’t that what it’s all about?” she added as she took an pensive puff of her avocado-flavored vaping fluid. “Seriously, is it? I have no idea.”

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