Progressive Believer Ensures Survival Of Christianity By Denying Every Major Christian Doctrine

LYNDONBERG, PA—Local progressive Christian and liberal religious blogger Landon Gerry is being heralded as a hero of the faith for ensuring the survival of Christianity by gradually denying every major Christian doctrine, sources confirmed Wednesday.

Religious commentators around the country agreed that Gerry’s heroic defense of the faith, comprised primarily of rejecting everything Christians have believed since the New Testament was completed, is the last hope for Christianity’s survival in the 21st century.

“If Landon hadn’t compromised everything we hold dear, the faith would be in real trouble,” one pastor in California told reporters. “Thanks, Landon. We owe it all to you buddy!”

The blogger, who writes daily on current social issues and their relationship to human faith and doubt, bravely defends the faith daily on Twitter and other social networks by encouraging Christians to immediately jettison any and every doctrine the world finds even slightly distasteful.

“The problem with Christians is they are tossed to and fro by every passage of the Bible, rather than remaining faithful to the ever-shifting moral standards of the culture,” Gerry told reporters Wednesday. “I’m just happy and humbled to do my part to call other Jesus-followers to a more palatable understanding of the Christian faith.”