Playing Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving Now A Federal Crime

U.S.—It’s easy to focus on everything going wrong with our country, so much so that we often don’t stop to take a minute and be thankful for the good things our leaders accomplish from time to time.

Take the most recent legislation passed by Congress, for instance: as of Tuesday, it is now a federal crime to play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

Any storefront, home, or radio station playing songs like “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree,” or “Last Christmas” is subject to immediate search by federal authorities, who have been instructed to arrest the perpetrator onsite and bring him or her to a secret CIA facility for questioning. Upon conviction, the suspect is subject to up to 20 years in federal prison.

The move passed the House with a historic unanimous vote of 435-0, skated through the Senate with another unprecedented vote of 100-0, and finally was signed into law in the very same day by President Trump.

“At long last, we can all unite around our hatred for being forced to listen to sappy Christmas standards months before December 25,” a Congressional representative said. “While we may all disagree on just about every other social issue of our day, at least we can come together on this.”

It’s great that our country can finally agree on something during these tumultuous times!