Paul Bunyan Tops List Of Favorite Puritans

VENTURA, CA—Evangelicals have spoken, and it turns out their favorite Puritan is none other than Paul Bunyan. In a recent survey of self-identified Evangelical Christians aged 30-55 performed by The Barna Group, the 300-foot-tall lumberjack of American folklore beat out other Puritans like former presidential candidate John Edwards, actor-director Robert Redford, and hip-hop artist/reality TV star John Flavel Flav by a wide margin.

Respondents noted that their favorite aspects of Bunyan’s ministry included his allegorical work like Pilgrim’s Progress and The Holy War, his unwavering faith in God even through persecution, and his creation of the Grand Canyon with the assistance of his gargantuan blue ox, Babe. Those surveyed were also particularly fond of the great Puritan thinker’s daring exploits as he logged the Midwest during the deadly, frigid winters on the American Frontier.

“It’s just great that we have Christian heroes of the faith like Bunyan, who wrote edifying, practical theological works, and also ate giant flapjacks the size of tree trunks,” one anonymous survey-taker said of the logger of unusual size. “He’s such an inspiration to me, whether I’m struggling with temptation or wrestling a giant bear in the gorge behind my house.”

Barna’s report also indicated that evangelicals favor Martin Luther King, Jr. to all other Reformers by nearly a 3-to-1 margin.