Pastor Prays For Sweet Embrace Of Death As Leadership Meeting Nears Fifth Hour

NEW CASTLE, PA—According to sources close to Pastor Brandon Wesley of Christroads Community Church, the 39-year-old minister uttered a sincere prayer Thursday that the Lord would deliver him into the sweet arms of death as the church’s weekly leadership team meeting neared its fifth hour.

Witnesses claim the meeting was about to be adjourned at the four-hour and thirty-minute mark when a board member suddenly mentioned that she would like to talk about the parking situation in the southeast lot, prompting the pastor’s impromptu prayer for deliverance into the warm embrace of the grave.

“Take me now, Father God. I am ready,” Wesley whispered almost inaudibly as other church leaders debated about the overuse of the copy machine. “I listened intently to the discussion about the scheduling conflict between Sunday’s potluck and the church softball game. I endured the complaints about the temperature in the sanctuary. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”

“Send me to the sweet arms of Jesus now,” he concluded before raising his arms, expecting the Lord to take him up into glory at any moment.

At publishing time, the Lord had not granted Wesley’s request, and instead left him in the meeting which had gone on for another eight hours.