Pastor Jim’s Foray Into Emojis Not Going Well

CEDAR FALLS, IA—Multiple sources are confirming that roughly a week and a half after local pastor Jim Hemingway, 68, got his first iPhone and began an ill-advised foray into emoji usage, things are not going well.

“I know he means well and is excited about the idea of connecting with younger generations, but it’s been counterproductive, really,” Cedar Falls First United Methodist deacon Dave Larkey told reporters Friday. “It’s been a disaster so far, to be honest. We’re working on it.”

Member Melissa Baker, 27, agrees. “We’ve tried to get him to just stick with the smiley face and frowney face, but he insists he knows what he’s doing. Pastor Jim is . . . getting older, and sometimes has a hard time making out the small facial expressions, or he just doesn’t understand the emotions they’re meant to portray—like, at all. He’s using the Face With Tears Of Joy to express sadness all the time, no matter how many times we tell him it’s the exact opposite of that. Probably the worst is when he tries to use the Smirking Face properly . . . it turns out creepy more often than not.”

At publishing time, a few church members were taking pastor Jim to breakfast to try to sell him on a new Jitterbug phone.