Do you or a loved one like to talk to tomatoes? How about the mere sight of a squash making you smile?

If so, we strongly advise you seek professional counseling immediately. Talking to fruits and vegetables is not normal, and may be symptomatic of deeper psychiatric issues. You may be suffering from Chronic Obstructive Veggietinnitus.

In some severe cases, affected individuals have been spotted waltzing with potatoes and other crops up and down the produce aisles of local grocery stores. Don't let this happen to you. When you see the early warning signs of COV, seek help right away. Don't suffer alone.

While there is no cure for COV, there are treatments that can help you live a full, normal life. One day you too will be able to walk by a bag of fresh, ripe tomatoes in the grocery store and not succumb to the temptation to strike up a conversation or reenact the Battle of Jericho right there in your local Food 4 Less.

There is hope.