WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Barack Obama announced his plans to issue an executive order before leaving office which will decree that he gets to issue an unlimited number of executive orders whenever he wishes after his presidency, and indeed for the rest of his life, according to a White House press release Monday.
According to sources, the commander-in-chief got the idea from watching the Disney film Aladdin, during the scene when the Genie prohibits the main character from wishing for more wishes. He reportedly jumped up from the couch and declared to nearby Secret Service agents, “Wait a minute—I AM the Genie.” After a cursory two-minute perusal of a dusty copy of the Constitution one of his secretaries found in a basement filing cabinet, Obama concluded there was nothing specifically prohibiting him from executive-ordering himself an infinite number of post-presidential executive orders.
“Phenomenal cosmic powers!” Obama reportedly declared as he danced around the Oval Office, overjoyed that he wouldn’t have to stop giving unilateral declarations just because he will not be President anymore.
At publishing time, the President was drafting another order to grant himself indefinite, unrestricted use of military drones after his presidency, to use as he sees fit.