North Korea Pins Failed Nuclear Test Launch On Faulty Catapult

PYONGYANG—North Korean leader Kim Jong-un blamed a failed ballistic missile launch Saturday on the failure of a key component of the wooden catapult the North Korean military had used to launch the warhead.

“We had anticipated the advanced catapult system to launch the test warhead over 1,600 miles away,” Kim John-un said in a press conference. “An apparent miscalculation by one of our nuclear scientists coupled with a rusty catapult chain contributed to the missile traveling only about 75 meters before it plummeted into the ocean below.”

“The nuclear scientist has been dealt with, and now the great Democratic People’s Republic of Korea can achieve the next level of greatness with our upcoming launch!” Jong-un said to rousing applause from the teeming crowds of military personnel.

According to sources within the totalitarian state, the next nuclear warhead will be fired out of a muzzle-loading cannon.