NewSpring Church To Offer 90-Day Refund On Salvation

ANDERSON, SC—Continuing its recent theme of provocative statements, NewSpring Church announced Tuesday that they will refund the salvation of anyone not completely satisfied after 90 days of confessing themselves a Christian and getting saved.

“What we’re saying is, within 90 days of saying the Sinner’s Prayer and accepting Jesus into your heart, if you haven’t seen a radical change, we’ll let you go. We won’t pester you about joining any groups, we won’t try to get you to tithe—none of it,” a NewSpring spokesperson confirmed to reporters. “We’re just willing to stake that the Bible is true—even to the point of refunding your salvation. That’s how confident we are.”

The church’s website has a page dedicated to what they’re calling the “90-Day Salvation Challenge,” replete with claims that work, finances, health, and relationships will all markedly improve after becoming a Christian. If any individual isn’t completely satisfied, the website states NewSpring will “Unsave you—no questions asked. We’ll even help remove the little fish symbol from the back of your car.”

Church attendee Ike Muller says he stands behind his church and their offering.

“Hey, I just think [NewSpring Pastor] Perry Noble and everyone are finding a great, fun way to draw attention to this,” explained Muller. “It’s really nice to know you can sort of dip your toe in the water before you jump in all the way. I really like the no-pressure, no-hassle aspect of it all, and that if you change your mind and want to get unsaved, they take care of all that for you.”

Muller, a recent convert, says he’s pretty pleased with Christianity, but wants to keep the door open on his options.

“Yeah, getting a t-shirt with my baptism was cool, but this is a big commitment. I think I get to keep the t-shirt either way, so you know whatever decision I make is strictly from the heart.”

Although NewSpring isn’t able to refund anyone’s time, their website does say that those who are unsatisfied with their salvation will get a set of high-quality kitchen knives just for trying it out.