New Registry Allows Engaged Same-Sex Couples To Choose Which Christian Florist To Put Out Of Business

U.S.—A new online wedding registry will allow same-sex couples to choose which Christian florist they plan to sue and permanently put out of business as they celebrate their union.

The registry, called ASSIMIL8, provides gay couples with a list of business owners whose privately held personal beliefs may reflect traditional Christian views on marriage. The excited fiancés can then pick whose lives they want to totally destroy with a lengthy and frivolous lawsuit, as they anticipate their cheerful nuptials.

In lieu of wedding gifts, friends and family can participate in the joyful celebration by contributing to the expensive legal fees required to completely trash a random stranger’s life and force them into bankruptcy.

“We can think of no better way to start our new life together then to utterly ruin the livelihood of a local businessperson based on their religious beliefs,” said one happy couple. “It’s a perfect way to honor the love and acceptance represented by marriage.”

Once the couple has selected the target business they wish to annihilate, the website then offers a much longer list of convenient florists who are more than happy to service their ceremony.

According to an ASSIMIL8 spokesperson, they are expanding their registry to include Christian bakers this summer.