New Museum Memorializes Fallen Heroes In The War On Christmas

WINSLOW, TX—Every year, the number of casualties in the War on Christmas skyrockets. The volatile struggle that begins just after Halloween and escalates until its bloody climax on December 25th has claimed many lives. Now, thanks to the Rutherford J. Griswold Foundation’s generous donors, these heroes will be remembered forever in the National War on CHRISTmas Memorial Museum, featuring interactive, educational kiosks, intricate portraits, historical displays, live reenactments, and even a gigantic granite replica of a fireplace with a little stocking bearing each victim’s name in cursive glue and glitter, right on the fuzzy white part.

Museum patrons will learn how millions of Americans have suffered the horror of being told “Happy Holidays” when they walked into Walmart. They will witness a harrowing reenactment of the story of Emmet Barnabey, the man who tried to set up a hand-made, life-size nativity scene in a local park, only for the police to ask him if he could move it out of the middle of the bike path.

Not all attractions are for the whole family. Museum officials caution that kids under 14 may be too young to attend the special 3D viewings of the true, but graphic documentary When They Replaced “Christ” with an X!

The Rutherford J. Griswold foundation is named after one of the most famous victims in the War on Christmas: in December of 1976, Rutherford Griswold went door to door singing “We Three Kings” only to have the authorities return him to his assisted living home to put on some clothes and clean himself up.

“That was when he knew the war was real,” said Griswold’s surviving daughter, Margaret.

The Griswold legacy is carried on today in the War on CHRISTmas Memorial Museum, as a shining witness to the bravery of the soldiers we’ve lost—as well as a stark warning of the ugliness of war.