Neil DeGrasse Tyson Commemorates Another Meaningless Circuit Around Sun

NEW YORK, NY—Sources following Neil deGrasse Tyson’s various social media accounts confirmed Monday that the pop astrophysicist celebrated yet another meaningless circuit around the sun by reminding everyone that joy, holidays, and finding meaning in anything are all just chemical illusions in your brain.

He marked the occasion with a flurry of tweets to ensure his followers didn’t get too excited about the pointless human ritual.

“‘Happy New Year?’ Hold it right there…” he began, reminding his followers that happiness is just an evolutionary byproduct meant to reward behaviors that increase the likelihood of personal survival and thus prolong our species.

“People celebrate the calendar turning over to a brand new year, which they imbue with emotional states such as hope and fresh beginnings,” he continued. “But actually, these are just neurons firing in your brain signifying nothing.”

“Science has shown life to be pointless. Today’s just another Monday,” he added on the dawn of the New Year.