Nation’s Christian Colleges Celebrate Annual Define-The-Relationship Day

U.S.—Students attending the nation’s Christian colleges celebrated the annual tradition known as “DTR Day,” held every February 14, on which couples in some kind of relationship haze attempt to clearly define their alliance, sources confirmed Wednesday.

DTRs are a staple of life in Christian higher education, and conversations held on the annually occurring DTR Day bring clarity to thousands of relationships.

“We take the time to sit down and decide whether we’re courting, dating, being pursued, pursuing, or just being good friends,” one girl at a Christian university in Southern California told reporters. “I can’t wait to find out if I’ve been wasting an entire semester doing ‘group hangouts’ with Brad and our mutual friends, or if he’ll be pursuing me like a good Christian man.”

“Please let it be a real relationship,” she added under her breath.

Thousands of the nation’s Christian college co-eds will find out “what exactly this confusing relationship is” over dates at their school’s cafeteria, a nearby Starbucks, or Panera bread locations, sources claim.